Nu ok man nesimiega (nesvarbu, kad 8h kelsiuos ir bandysiu ruoštis Koi cosplay, nu bet failinsiu... aš žinau tai..). Šis vakaras kažkoks verksmingas buvo. Man dažnai taip užeina. Bet toks paradoksas.. Pirma pradedu bliaut, o tik įpusėjus pradedu galvot, kad gyvenimas yra šūdo krūva ir šiaip bandau pritempt kokią priežastį, verkimui tinkančią. Dažniausiai galvoju apie prarastą šeimą, nes jei jau prieinu iki stadijos, kai mąstau apie mirusį draugą, tai rizikuoju nemiegot visą naktį, tampoma nervinių traukulių ir gaudydama orą nuo nesveiko bliovimo. Ha ha.. ką aš čia šneku.. net dorai nežinau kur jo kapas.. dažnai pasvajoju kaip nuneščiau jam gėlių. vasarą. kada galėčiau klūpėti ant bortelio ir užsimerkusi vietoj medžių šlamesio įsivaizduoti jo šnabždesį..jis dažnai šnabždėdavo man į ausį. bet neturiu valios paklausti tikslaus adreso. toks jausmas, jog jo mirtis tik mano fantazijų vaisius.. jog jo išvis nebuvo. todėl, jei paklausiu, kur Justo kapas, aš kaip visada susimausiu. gal geriau tai ir palikti tik sapnu? norėčiau apkabinti jo mamą.
Aš jaučiu man teks mest rūkyt vien tam, kad prie manęs daugiau nebesikabinėtų jokie vyrų padermės atstovai (woah kažkaip feminizmu pakvipo :D). Tik sustoju kur viešoj vietoj (nu dažniausiai renkuos nuošalesnę, bet jie ir ten mane susiranda) parūkyt, tai netrukus jau teks išmest dirbtinę šypseną kokiam diedui ir mintyse galvot kaip čia greičiau to pašnekovo atsikratyt.. Kai aš rūkau jie prie manęs vos ne vorele eina. Wtf.. ką tik supratau kame šuo pakastas.. Kažkada skaičiau, jog vyrai rūkančias moteris automatiškai laiko lengvai prieinamomis. Kekšėmis. Nesismulkinkim. Vaje.. Šiaip manau bent jau kol kas.. kol nemetu rūkyt.. reik nusipirkt kokį gražų žiebtuvėlį, nes jau biškį gėda atkišinėt tą savo raudoną nesusipratimą, vadinamą žiebtuvėliu už 50ct..
It is such a shame that there's no one with whom I could talk about KAT-TUN. Everybody now are crazy about DBSK or Rain in my friends circle so I feel so lonely. I totally fell in love with their new song "One drop". It is such a beautiful song. By the way at first I thought that the melody is not catchy at all but when I listened to it for the second time I was stunned. The lyrics are also the thing which I need at the moment.
Bye-bye, days of solitude Bye-bye, days long gone I want to protect that one drop Only lonely your teardrop
It's cold. Why is it so cold? In everyone, a single drop falls softly in their hearts In these hearts are reflected A kindness that goes unnoticed until it is lost
Bye-bye, entwining thread Bye-bye, sadness of the past Loneliness, even the tiniest wound is a reason for tears Bye-bye, days of solitude Bye-bye, days long gone I want to protect that one drop Only lonely your teardrop
We were shaken around in a prank played on us by time Even the words left behind always made you hesitate It's okay to give up, it's okay to drop the strong facade It's not your fault
Bye-bye, tangled thread Bye-bye, mistakes of the past Forgive me, even in the tiniest today there is hope for eternity Bye-bye, lonely days Bye-bye, the melancholy of those days That one important drop Only lonely your tear drop
Right in the center of this starved body Runs your scent alone Whilst swaying, whilst hesitating, I still continue to believe In that dream, and the indelible feelings in those tears
Isn't it just beautiful?
I'm so tired of everything around me. Of all this injustice and pain. Is it normal to cry every night until you fell asleep of a distress? I don't think so. But there's nothing I could change. That's the biggest problem.
I can't watch how my friend is in trouble and I can't help her. I feel like a no good friend but what can I do? I tried to look like everything is fine but my friend is in trouble. Even singing while going by the streets were so sad inside. If I could change something..
The other thing which is bothering me these days is a story about a 2y.o. girl who died from a cancer last year. My classmate sent me a message that a kid needs an instant help from people whos blood type is AB- (god, this is the rarest blood type in the world). I wrote them an email as soon as possible but then I got to know that the message of help was old and that girl died one year ago. That's just the proof that God doesn't exist. It is so cruel to know the fact that if I got that message one year earlier she may stay alive now. It is so not fair! First I feel like an evil person that I wrote that email full of hope to them. It's like having fun from people who are suffering so much. Second I can't forgive the life that it is so cynical. I don't want to live if it is so.
A piece from ReFaN's and a weird Turkish guy's chat:
[ReFaN] fuck off [ReFaN] i will kill you [ReFaN] i have friends,who can kill you [ReFaN] so,leave! (22:53) [rawfan] we do all over [ReFaN] you fucker go away [ReFaN] my friends will kill you [ReFaN] they will cut your penis [ReFaN] and you will bleed to death (22:55) [rawfan] im sad [ReFaN] my friends in hollywood can kill you [ReFaN] don't be sad, be ready to die
I'm dying from laughter I must use the last line somewhere... oh gawd... *wiping tears*
By the way people... I was bitching about how I want to get a tattoo on all over my back but I'm very scared that soon I'll get bored of it or that people will ignore because of the way I look... And I found one picture in the magazine by an accident.. Look:
That girl looks sooo perfect! She encouraged me that it isn't so masculine that it could sound first.. Now I know that if my dream will come true about the band I won't be scared to make one on my back too. She's my idol now
As I promised Jisun to send her a postcard I had to buy a postcard first I decided to buy a bunch of them coz it's getting nerve-racking to go to the city center so often.. Here they are:
What do you think? Will it fit the occassion? Now I just need to buy shoes and purple pantyhose or maybe ellectric blue pantyhose.. I still dunno yet
Today it's such a stupid day... me and kuroi_yuki are downloading lots of Western pop stuff and having fun by listening to them... I'm sooo ruining my last.fm scrobbles atm..
I'm such a bėdė.. (tipo poor person )..This month there are at least 3 birthdays and I dunno what to do.. 02.03 was my mother's birthday.. I gave her just 3 flowers.. so now Kajitoku's and Indra's birthdays are on the way.. that would be ok but Indra invited me to visit her in Alytus.. which would cost me extra 50lt.. this is the half of amount of my savings I think I'm gonna reach her by an auto-stop.. yeah there's a big chance that I could be raped and killed by a psycho but I can't choose this time..
btw I think I'm never gonna get my lip piercing... damn..
I was bored those 3 weeks so I pimped my other 2 walls. Now I can show you the final look of my room. Some photos you may have seen but I want to sum up everything :D
What do you think? Yeah it's a bit sick. I know that XD I remember Masaki-san's face when he came to my room and said that he have never seen so many photos in a room (and don't forget that one wall was absolutely empty I covered it just few weeks ago xD).. oh gawd.. how sad..
At the moment I'm sitting at home. I was planning to not go to Maths but it looks like the teacher is absent so it's even better So yeah, I came back home. It is to damn cold outside... like ~-17C??!! This is so sick! My head is full of information from History lessons.. Hitler, Mussolini and other guys
Now I can't decide should I go to Lithuanian lessons or not.. it is so cold outside.. and I'm so lazy to go back to school..
Anyways.. let's enjoy good music. When I didn't have a pc I started watching tv more and look what I found. They're so cool. Don't you think? Sa-kun said that she likes this song so maybe.. you'll like it too. I noticed that these days I'm searching for something new... Something which I didn't use to listen. Something different.. I dunno what's happening to me.
Vessis: have sex stay alive, no rotting, just damn good sexxx dude. you've been too long without. :c I'm sorry. XD KapiniuGrazuole: *looks around* I would rather have sex with a monkey than a lithuanian guy.. XD sad true T_T oh well :'D
anyways.... :D Šita daina yra nuostabi. Dvi savaites negaliu nustot dainavus:
Rebelheart - Ar išsaugosi mano meilę
Ar išsaugosi mano meilę, Lyg tie medžiai vasario šerkšną, Ar išdrįsi ją palytėti, kai žvaigždės nuo šalčio virpės..? Ar išsaugosi mano meilę, Lyg tie medžiai vasario šerkšną, Ar mokėsi kaip jie pražydėti gegužio žiedais baltais..?
Tu išbėgsi basa į ugnim liepsnojantį gruodą, Savimi pamatuoti tikro jausmo vertės..
Tu atręžusi veidą į vėjus, Išsipildymo švento lauksi, Gal per gruodą, per skambų gruodą, Tavo laimė skaudi ateis..
Beje suvokiau, jog anglai neturi atitikmens žodžiui 'gruodas'. Jeigu rasite arba žinot, praneškit man :)
Kadangi daugumai liaudies yra per daug sudėtinga susivokti, jog navigacijai yra skirti kryžiukai, tai pakeičiau apipavidalinimą. Anyways... jei kada netingėsiu, parašysiu ką nors. Šiaip nėr ką rašyt.. kai baigsiu mokyklą, tada gal ir bus.. :D
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