~*Oh I can't breathe no more, G-Dragon ♥*~

All this week I was too lazy to make an update about my life
I received a job offer to work in Cyprus as a waitress.


It's like a dream come true, ne? For about a month I was telling my mom how cool it would be to work in Crete (for example) and be able to go to the beach everyday after work.. Sun, warmth, water, sand, tanned guys.. maybe first night sweet sin.. (ok I didn't tell her ALL this). But I am forced to decline it, because I am taking IELTS exam on 3rd December. And I also missed Kajitoku very much and would love to go to UK. Argh if only they offered me this few months ago... Anyways..
I'm planning to buy a plane ticket to UK next week. Kyaaaahhh~~~ I wonder how long it will take for me to save up money for a laptop there? I guess I'm gonna be offline for a long time .

Oh girls kpop is overtaking me. It is so addictive! When there was only Noru-chan talking about DBSK it was ok. I could resist. But when you're all crazy about it know, I just... gave it a better try. And omfg I feel like a person who has just fell in love!!!!!!! I forgot all my nagoya kei and angura kei passion. I just need kpop now!! AAAAAHHH!!! Those guys are so handsome and my age (not like that old Hazuki) and and their voices are so sexy!!! Well except SHINee's "Ring Ding Dong". Their singing manner reminds me of V. Tarasovienė in some parts of this song and it makes me laugh like mad.

Ah and now I know why you're crazy about G-Dragon!! Oh I want his babies!!!! He's the cutest man in the world!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMG I'm so in love right now. And looks like I'm not the only one who's over-excited about it.. Look what I found yesterday:


Btw, those ah ahs in the beginning of his song "Breathe" is something HOTT.
Ahahahahaha I almost forgot how fun fangirling could be.

P.S. - my mother is also happy for no apparent reason. I guess she's already celebrating that I'm leaving her apartment soon.

~*4minutes of self-pitiness*~

At the age of 19 you finally start realising that there are more and more younger people around you who have already succeeded in life 10000000x times better than you. I knew that day will come and I was really afraid of it to come. I mean.. that sucks... For example, just look at them:


They're my age (one of them is actually 2 years younger than me x__x;;) and they're like 10000x prettier and are famous and do what they want.

I'm afraid to think what's going to happen when I'll become 30 xD I will feel even more crappy than I do now :D


Poor and ugly people rules, WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ XDDDDDDD~

~*Big Bang in your ass xDD*~

Guys, do you know where could I find a bigger version of this pic?

I guess that's all from me for today.. *goes hide in the bushes*







And remember, kids: it's better to not even start listening to k-pop (the same as with cigarettes...)


@___________@;;

~*Books*~

Last week I finished reading Kurt Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle". This book is epic win. No wonder why it's Gabrielius' favorite.
I'm definitely gonna read it again after every decade. My stepfather is reading it at the moment. I hope he'll like it as much as I do.
By the way, I also love the Lithuanian design of this book:

Some quotes:

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.

~

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.

Now I'm reading Jodi Picoult's "Nineteen Minutes".

In nineteen minutes, you can mow the front lawn, color your hair, watch a third of a hockey game. In nineteen minutes, you can bake scones or get a tooth filled by a dentist; you can fold laundry for a family of five....In nineteen minutes, you can stop the world, or you can just jump off it. In nineteen minutes, you can get revenge.

It's a book based on school shootings in USA. She made up her own story but some of the facts and people were taken from true happenings.
It is so hard to read this book for me. I understand how exactly that kid felt because I've been in the similar situation at school. This book again shows why do I hate most of the people on this planet. People are so egoist, full of themselves, two-faced and cruel.
I know that shooting is not the best way but I can't even condemn him... Because people do not come to this world already evil. They're made evil later, by other people.
I only can read this book at night when my family is sleeping because I just can't hold in my tears.
I'm also very impressed by the author. It's really hard to believe that another person could describe people's inner world so damn well.
When I'm reading Peter's thoughs in that book, I'm like: "that's freaking exactly how I felt!"
By the way, did you notice that usually Americans and Europeans cope with abuse differently? For example, Lithuanians tend to suicides while Americans are more likely to settle things by making others die instead of themselves?

Oh, and my mind is playing tricks on me again. Peter should be freckled guy but I couldn't make this image in my head. Lastly he looks like young aie-san T.T
That's just plain stupid..

Anyways, I recommend all of you this book.

~*The man of my dreams (literally)*~

Tonight I finally dreamt Kamenashi Kazuya after a long period of time. And it was so hilarious!
Me and my friends (I remember Kajitoku sitting next to me and I know there were also some of my other friends but I don't remember which ones exactly) participated in a reality show where Kame was searching for a girlfriend :D
At one point we were given a task. We, girls, had to write on little pieces of paper what do we think and feel about Kame and give it to him. And then Kame had to write what does he think about each participant on paper too. I don't remember what I wrote him but I remember what I received :D I guess I won't forget it all my life xD
As I understand I've already met Kame before that show once, when I was riding a bike with Kajitoku in Panevėžys (my grandma's town :D). I fell off the bike and was blushing all the time. Seemed like a total failure xD
So I started reading his note and I almost died of humiliation. He wrote something like: "When I first met you, you seemed so red and childish.. *it was about my face >____>;;* But after a while I realised how wonderful you are and..." and then his note gets unreadable. It was full of holes so I couldn't read what does he think about me now. Kajitoku tried to help me but in vain.. >_>
My dream had some other stupid issues but they're not important :D
I'm just wondering.. did I win or not? xD

P.S. - I saw Hazuki sitting right next to me in that competinion. Seriously my brains are telling me that he's gay in every possible way :D
♥♥♥
:DDDDD

~*My patience won't last long*~

Can this fucking stop one day??? I'm so sick of it! Why always me?? What did I do to deserve all this?!
God, if you really exist, I am saying you right now: "this is fucking mean to choose a young girl always to be a target you fucking old fart!".
People stealing my dreams? Whatever, I'm used to it..
I couldn't sleep tonight because I had pain bout which knocks me out 1 or 2 times per year. As I'm joking - get those spasms at least once in your lifetime and you won't be afraid to give a birth anymore.
Noru-chan, you know what I'm talking about. You've saw me in that pain last year.
This time throwing up didn't help me at all. Now my eyes are red but I'm too cutup to go to sleep. After 8 hours of this agony, my mother comes home and tells me that we were being robbed tonight.
My newly repaired PC is gone, my PASSPORT is gone, all other pc's, documents, diplomas even car keys are gone. So next night my stepfather's office cars will be also taken away?
That stupid old watcher didn't notice anything because... SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH HER STUPID HOMELESS CAT.

I just can't take it any longer. I'm sick of bad things happening to me and my family. I don't even know when I'm gonna write my personal statement because I'm one step from burst out crying. But I can't coz my mother's sitting next to me.

I fucking hate Lithuania. I fucking hate it's people. I want to get out of here ASAP or else just die.
My patience is not timeless.

I feel so sorry for my stepfather. Yesterday was his birthday. And today this happens.

I need a person to be next to me but I don't have one.


P.S. - my stepfather knows who robbed his office. But doh our police won't do anything. Like last time when our neighbours robbed our apartment and police did nothing.

*sniff*